the numbers game
oh, where do i even start? i decided to write this because i stumbled another creator’s account and loved the article they wrote. it resonated deeply with me. the voice in my head went “check how many followers they have” and i was surprised at the disgust i felt toward myself for not having as much followers as they did. this creeps into everyday life for me. how much money i have in the bank, how many followers on tik tok and instagram, how many likes on a post, hell, even how many steps i take in a day.
comparison is the thief of joy, i always try to remind myself this. it feels like that’s all my generation has been trained to do. compare themselves to the next person since everyone’s achievements is boldly written on their profile and we are currently exposed to everyone else’s lives. it takes a lot to really take a step back and focus on your own. where you want to go, who you want to be because even then it is in comparison to someone else’s journey. as someone who from time to time struggles with their mental health, this is not an easy feat. it makes me beat myself up and wish i were someone else. sometimes i even list all my accomplishments in my head to remind myself i’m doing better than i was. i have been writing for a while and i do not think i am where i’m meant to be. i think i shoild be doing better than i am, writing for big blogs even writing for vogue and i beat myself up about it countless times. i do not think it’s a healthy way to live and a mantra i would always live by is ‘collaboration over competition’. the world is engineered in such a way that within our communities, hierarchies would always exist. from who has a bigger bank account to who would ‘make it’ first and for everyone’s psyche, social media hasn’t made it any better. it isn’t easy to look at what someone else has especially when you have been longing, yearning, hoping, praying and wishing that you would get the same and not feel envy. there’s a reason why envy is a deadly sin and that’s because it drives your heart to places it should never go. the ability to look at what someone else has and still genuinely wish them all the best life has to offer is a quality i think should be harnessed more in our society at the moment. we see it everyday especially in the creative industry which at it’s peak is influenced by how many followers you have, how many likes you can get on a video or tik tok, how many views you can get for an ad or a sponsored post. it is really just a game of numbers. if you have more, then you’re obviously better but is that really the truth? and is it up to you to not compare yourself to everyone else in that niche and focus on your craft? obviously you wouldn’t compare yourself to someone who you felt you were better than which is what the social comparison theory explains and this act fulfils a desire which is only temporary. it only feels good in the moment. i think not giving into what your ego wants and genuinely feeling happy for people, collaborating with creators who inspire you and admitting to yourself that they do inspire you would help tremendously rather than feeling envious toward them. you don’t have to prove anything to anyone and the only validation that really matters is yours. it takes a lot of awareness and being in tune with yourself to get to that point, and to be honest, i am not fully there yet but i do know that it increases your self confidence more than anything else. community based behaviour would go a long way rather than behaviours which are individualistic. it doesn’t always have to be about just you. i hope you try not to compare yourself to everyone else and focus on your journey so the things that are meant for you will find you faster.
With love,
from El
~please follow and clap as many times as you can because it still is a numbers game. xoxo~
