Does it ever end?
Are we actually becoming something, someone or has it always been there all along, under layers of conditioning and ego ?
The still moments, the silence, the times which you can hear yourself think
The chaos, the darkness, the days when it feels unbearable to even dream
The happiness, the laughter, and everything in between
Are all those the things that make the human experience worth living ?
Change.
I used to despise the word for a plethora of reasons but the most part, it felt hard to give up control which seems silly because I realise I was never in control. When you see yourself in a certain light, you tend to think that’s all there is to you, and that’s all you may ever be. I was never open to options and while I might not have had a one track mind, I always thought there would be a certain way that things would go without taking into cognisance how vast and fleeting life is. When you think you have everything all figured out, life throws a curve ball at you and just like that you’ve taken one step forward, and ten steps backwards.
What I’m learning now though, is to embrace whatever comes. However it may seem and whatever it looks like. To pause, take a step back and reflect on how life not being the same doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. To deep dive into asking the necessary questions like “if all the steps I’ve taken brought me here, am I on the right path or do I not feel comfortable because I’ve never been here before ?”
Growth is uncomfortable, it’s messy and it’s painful. It’s seeing your friends change, from braiding each other’s hair as teenagers to becoming adults, living in different cities and you realise you don’t fit into their lives anymore. It’s deciding what’s best for you because you’re the one who’s going to make that decision & the one who would face the consequences, how dire they may be. It’s staring at your reflection in the mirror, not fully recognising who is staring back but knowing you have come a long way from who you were. It’s learning who you are not who you think you’re meant to be.
Giving up control isn’t easy. I’m learning to embrace it and let things unfold without holding on to expectations from myself, other people & situations. I hope you do too.
